Bonkerz on a Bike! (Mountain)

WHADDUP PEEPS! Soak up this image with your sponge eyes! WOAH!IMG_9352

(Photo of Mount Boney, Newbury Park. CA. Shot while biking in to the unknown)

Now. I know the one thing on your mind after that photo which you might be dying to ask me is, “What’s your phone number college dude?” Like! I freaking wish! Back to the real world, some might ask, “Why are you in the bushes man?” Great question. I was out there mashing it like potatoes on my 1992 mountain bike, hustling away from my busy life! Mountain biking. That’s the topic today.

Mountain biking is the ultimate experience of going absolutely nuts on two wheels! So fun! Let’s get into it!


(Pic of my FILTHY girl(bike) while stopping to take in the view. Los Padres trails, Thousand Oaks. CA)

Mountain biking has been hobby of mine for almost a decade! I’m no pro (as I ride a bike that doesn’t have any shock absorbers #oldskool) but I have one heck of a time with it! Pop in some music because it’s more legal than on a motorcycle, pack up a water, sunglasses, sunscreen, HELMET, take and ID, phone, and some $20-30 cash just incase something goes wrong and you need food or maybe to tip someone who helps you out! But yeah, mountain biking is the easiest of hobbies to get in to and its a phenomenal form of exercise to get those sexy legs and tone that bootius maximus! #Pedals=Poppin’

My favorite parts of mountain biking include meeting people on the trails, Almost smashing people on the decent (makes me feel like the fast an furious of bikes. Plus I feel so cool and mysterious when I fly by cleanly,) climbing to a view, MASHING DOWN HILLS, working up a sweat, discovering new trails, and getting that GoPro footage! You know, for the fanz!

Also, looking at mountain biking gear in the sporting good stores and bike shops in my area always offer something that fascinates me as well as some bomb local knowledge. Get this! I found out that the people often working in the bike sections of sports stores are usually baller bikers! Some I’ve met have even been part time professional racers with a treasure chest of knowledge plus recommendations about spots to go bike! Whether its for a view or a bonkerz downhill run! Its a great way to make friends and get inspired to go do it more! Also, if that doesn’t sound fun, I know I have spent hours online customizing my perfect bike for fun (usually just the paint,) its a blast!

IMG_8845 2

(Photo of chaboi kicking out that tail while screeching out a “WOOOAHHHHHH.” Thousand Oaks. CA.)

So you ask what goes in to mountain biking college dude??? Then I say don’t worry I got this:

SPPPPPPPEEEEEEEDDDDD or cruising. Whatever you like

A bike. On craigslist for maybe $50. At the sport store. Borrow a friend’s. Rent one. Whatever you have to do as long as you get on that thing!

Something we call “rider’s @$$.” this is the sore feeling you will get in your crotch the following day after your first few times riding. Unfortunately, mountain bikes have small seats. SOOOO, I recommend and personally upgrade my seat with gel pads or even just switch the seat with a big ol’ one off of a cruiser style bike.

Wear some athletic or clothing that you don’t mind getting sweaty and maybe dirty. Also, i recommend a cheap pair of gloves to save you from blisters if you don’t have tough hands with some callus on them.

A band aid on stand by! You are probably going to take a spill. I have found that the faster you go, the better the chance you have of bailing into the bushes! But bushes are soft haha! WOO! Real quick here’s a story of mine. I was going bananas down a fire road(large dirt path for safety at all trails) and halfway around a slow bend, I see a fisherman walking up the hackin’ mountain appear from around the corner. I was not feeling like a bullet train that day so I swerved from hitting him and blasted off the road into some trees and bushes! My brother laughed at me, the guy offered his condolences, and I carrie don home with a couple tree branches in my helmet! Good times! Now I snapchat that corner to friends and tell them the story about it. Brightens people’s days when you have those stories combined with telling them in an upbeat way.

Last, try a GoPro on the bars or your helmet. People love to see it and the pictures help to make you remember the rides. Plus I find it fun to look at wardrobe from the first time i started riding to now. I went from blue Denver Nugget basketball shorts and a tank top to normal. Haha!

Last last, Good views don’t go in to but they do come out of riding. Check this snap.IMG_1355(Photo atop “Space Mountain.” Thousand Oaks. CA.)

So yeah! Get out and try it! The next couple sections will consist of and emergency preparedness tips and story my dad told me about one of those emergency times. So make-shift cool.

Safety tips from a college dude:

1.When I bike, I prefer to wear long sleeves, shorts and half shin-high socks You never know where or what you’re going to be riding through. Wearing more clothing can protect you from bails, bug bites, and even plants that can irritate the skin like poison oak or stickers.

2. If you crash or start having a problem of any kind and feel hurt or pain, set your bike down off to the trail’s side and take a seat with some water. Make a call out and let someone know your situation should you need to call them again if you feel necessary. Rest for as long as you need and get your breathing under control. You will always be ok. Nature and the world has your back during adversity.

3. ALWAYS either ride with a friend or let someone know where you are going before hand just to be safe.

4. Bikes have the capacity to attach small bags. In these, I put my phone, ID, cash, spare bike tube(buy at the store,) and whatever else you find necessary. Also, hand pumps for bike that are stick shaped easily can be stored on the bike’s frame. Always good to have one for yourself and others.

5. If you feel the need, attach a noisemaker to your handle bars and hit the noise every 10 seconds when climbing(going up a trail) or descending(going down) to give a heads up to others in the area that you’re cruising or GOING BONKERZ like a banshee!

6. That’s it! Easy!

So my Dad’s story really quick. My Dad would ride the bike I ride now back in the day when he was a 20 year-old too. He told me one time he was hauling booty down a hill trail in Dos Vientos, CA when his front tire popped on him. He had no spare tire and the sun was going down quickly. He knew he couldn’t make it to the parking lot before dark by walking, so he took the tread off the tire, ripped out the tube, and began to ponder. In minutes, he gets the idea to put the tread back around the rim of the tire and start stuffing it with shrubs, bushes and dirt. The tasty combo! Sure enough after five minutes of stuffing, he had a functional front wheel that he could ride on home with. He go back to his car just after dark with rangers awaiting at his door side. He explained the situation and they gave him props and said thanks for saving them a night shift. He cruised home in his car to a worried mother and all the commotion simmered out after an hour.

What an innovative guy! Alright, peace everyone! See you next time!


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